Have you ever experienced trauma or life events that have completely changed/shaken you, to the core of your being?
Do you relive every scene of that event or have regrets about the way it happened?
Of course you do, that is precisely the reason you are here.
You are fed up with feeling the way you do.. You are here to finally step out of the trauma and transform yourself in a positive manner.
Past events in a lifetime have the capability to haunt people for the rest of their lives. Dealing with them can be a challenge, especially if you do not have guidance in your life. In my experience, bad experiences can define your entire personality futuristically.
Whether those experiences were with friends, family, relatives or partners, every situation is recalled by the brain whenever a similar event occurs. Reliving the trauma is very normal. In fact, it becomes hard for a person to place their trust in the success of new relationships. This response is nothing but a coping mechanism and an automatic way of protecting oneself.
But, is it fair to treat everyone in the same way without giving them a chance to prove their loyalty? Do not let your past experiences be an obstacle in a possibly happy life.
Every individual is different. In fact, some people evolve and change into better human beings over the course of their lives. Are you putting in the effort that is needed to evolve yourself as well?
The past can be daunting and cause severe lifelong pain if it is not dealt with in the right manner. If the thought of hiring a life coach or a therapist troubles you, then I bring you some simple ways to deal with the past.
I have had some really traumatic experiences with not just partners but also family members. The toxicity and personality of people we love can cause severe distress. In the majority of the cases, we keep getting disrespected and hurt because of the undying love we have for them. But eventually, I realised I have to fend for myself. Are you ready to do that too?
Here are some proven strategies that can really help you take that one step towards evolution and becoming a better version of yourself. Break the shackles of yesterday and move towards a brighter and happier future.
Step 1: Acknowledge the Trauma and Events in the Past
The first step is the most difficult one. Progress comes at a price. Transformation demands you to take a hard look at yourself and begin the tough road to success.
So, do not suppress your feelings. Identify the experiences that have shaped your personality. Take account of both positive and negative aspects of yourself and their roots.
Secondly, accept whatever happened as it is. You cannot change what has already happened in the past. But the time to accept it is NOW! You might not have liked it but its existence cannot be denied.
Step 2: Change the Narrative you Tell Yourself
When you recall the previous experiences/events, change what you tell yourself. Rather than using words like – This happened to me…, it’s time to tell yourself – The experience taught me to…
This is not a one-time process. You are rewiring your brain. So, whenever the thoughts come to your mind, make an effort to change the narrative. It will give you the confidence you need to stand straight.
If thinking is not doing the trick, write it down. As many times as you need to, but write it in your journal and change the way you think.
Step 3: Forgiveness
Step 3 is one of the biggest challenges in this path to transformation. Forgiveness does not come easy and it may take you a while to actually do this. But, remember that you are doing it for yourself only.
Forgiveness does not mean that you are ready to forget. It’s about acceptance and getting rid of the emotional hold that the events have on you. It will bring you the much desired peace.
Think of it this way – Everyone has flaws. You have yours too. You are forgiving others for their flaws and accepting them as they are. You would want others to do the same for you.
Step 4: Positive and New Habits
By this time, you have already identified the values that you want to shape your personality. Free from the shackles of the past, you can now be the person who you want to be. So, it is time to reject the old and bad habits and introduce the ones that resonate with you and your personality primarily.
It does not have to be big. Small habits every day can have a big impact in the long run. Some examples of the new habits can be – mindfulness, journaling, meditation, listing your blessings, mapping out your goals etc.
Step 5: Form Goals for Yourself
Becoming a better version of yourself can only come with planning and formation of goals from all perspectives. For example – spiritual goals, professional goals, personal development or emotional stages.
There are many different ways of goal-setting for yourself. One of the most common frameworks used is SMART which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound.
If you don’t want to dive into too many specifications or make too big goals that can seem overwhelming, I advise having daily goals or weekly goals. Start small and we can build the rest together. For example, you can have a goal of meditating for 5 mins a day or start a new course on Udemy with a focus of completing one video a day.
Start with baby steps. Change in your personality will not happen overnight. Do not measure your progress from the lens of others.
Your speed and your journey is entirely your own. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
Step 6: Make Relationships that are Good for you
The best thing that happened to me was creating boundaries. I broke relationships with people who hurt me, misused me or caused me traumas. If you cannot do this, then introduce new people who are positive for you. People who will help you grow in a positive manner.
Get new friends who have the same kinds of interests as you. You can even get mentors, coaches or professionals who will support you with a positive outlook in life. Slowly reduce interactions with people who have the ability to cause you pain or make you relive the trauma.
So, are you ready to leave your past and trauma behind? If the above information seems too overwhelming for you, connect with me and let me help you break down the barriers. Let’s start this journey. You are answerable to your future self and nothing can be achieved without taking one step forward, even if it is a tiny one. It took me years.. Learn from my experiences and become better in no time.
You might also find this useful: Self Knowledge-Values and Virtues
