Break Free: 10 Questions to Identify Beliefs Holding You Back

Have you ever experienced trauma or life events that have completely changed/shaken you, to the core of your being? 

Do you relive every scene of that event or have regrets about the way it happened? 

Of course you do, that is precisely the reason you are here. 

You are fed up with feeling the way you do.. You are here to finally step out of the trauma and transform yourself in a positive manner. 

Past events in a lifetime have the capability to haunt people for the rest of their lives. Dealing with them can be a challenge, especially if you do not have guidance in your life. In my experience, bad experiences can define your entire personality futuristically. 

Whether those experiences were with friends, family, relatives or partners, every situation is recalled by the brain whenever a similar event occurs. Reliving the trauma is very normal. In fact, it becomes hard for a person to place their trust in the success of new relationships. This response is nothing but a coping mechanism and an automatic way of protecting oneself.

But, is it fair to treat everyone in the same way without giving them a chance to prove their loyalty? Do not let your past experiences be an obstacle in a possibly happy life. 

Every individual is different. In fact, some people evolve and change into better human beings over the course of their lives. Are you putting in the effort that is needed to evolve yourself as well? 

The past can be daunting and cause severe lifelong pain if it is not dealt with in the right manner. If the thought of hiring a life coach or a therapist troubles you, then I bring you some simple ways to deal with the past. 

I have had some really traumatic experiences with not just partners but also family members. The toxicity and personality of people we love can cause severe distress. In the majority of the cases, we keep getting disrespected and hurt because of the undying love we have for them. But eventually, I realised I have to fend for myself. Are you ready to do that too?

Here are some proven strategies that can really help you take that one step towards evolution and becoming a better version of yourself. Break the shackles of yesterday and move towards a brighter and happier future. 

Step 1: Acknowledge the Trauma and Events in the Past

The first step is the most difficult one. Progress comes at a price. Transformation demands you to take a hard look at yourself and begin the tough road to success.

So, do not suppress your feelings. Identify the experiences that have shaped your personality. Take account of both positive and negative aspects of yourself and their roots. 

Secondly, accept whatever happened as it is. You cannot change what has already happened in the past. But the time to accept it is NOW! You might not have liked it but its existence cannot be denied. 

Step 2: Change the Narrative you Tell Yourself

When you recall the previous experiences/events, change what you tell yourself. Rather than using words like – This happened to me…, it’s time to tell yourself – The experience taught me to…

This is not a one-time process. You are rewiring your brain. So, whenever the thoughts come to your mind, make an effort to change the narrative. It will give you the confidence you need to stand straight. 

If thinking is not doing the trick, write it down. As many times as you need to, but write it in your journal and change the way you think.

Step 3: Forgiveness 

Step 3 is one of the biggest challenges in this path to transformation. Forgiveness does not come easy and it may take you a while to actually do this. But, remember that you are doing it for yourself only. 

Forgiveness does not mean that you are ready to forget. It’s about acceptance and getting rid of the emotional hold that the events have on you. It will bring you the much desired peace. 

Think of it this way – Everyone has flaws. You have yours too. You are forgiving others for their flaws and accepting them as they are. You would want others to do the same for you.  

Step 4: Positive and New Habits

By this time, you have already identified the values that you want to shape your personality. Free from the shackles of the past, you can now be the person who you want to be. So, it is time to reject the old and bad habits and introduce the ones that resonate with you and your personality primarily.

It does not have to be big. Small habits every day can have a big impact in the long run. Some examples of the new habits can be – mindfulness, journaling, meditation, listing your blessings, mapping out your goals etc.  

Step 5: Form Goals for Yourself

Becoming a better version of yourself can only come with planning and formation of goals from all perspectives. For example – spiritual goals, professional goals, personal development or emotional stages. 

There are many different ways of goal-setting for yourself. One of the most common frameworks used is SMART which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound. 

If you don’t want to dive into too many specifications or make too big goals that can seem overwhelming, I advise having daily goals or weekly goals. Start small and we can build the rest together. For example, you can have a goal of meditating for 5 mins a day or start a new course on Udemy with a focus of completing one video a day.

Start with baby steps. Change in your personality will not happen overnight. Do not measure your progress from the lens of others. 

Your speed and your journey is entirely your own. It has nothing to do with anyone else. 

Step 6: Make Relationships that are Good for you

The best thing that happened to me was creating boundaries. I broke relationships with people who hurt me, misused me or caused me traumas. If you cannot do this, then introduce new people who are positive for you. People who will help you grow in a positive manner. 

Get new friends who have the same kinds of interests as you. You can even get mentors, coaches or professionals who will support you with a positive outlook in life. Slowly reduce interactions with people who have the ability to cause you pain or make you relive the trauma. 

So, are you ready to leave your past and trauma behind? If the above information seems too overwhelming for you, connect with me and let me help you break down the barriers. Let’s start this journey. You are answerable to your future self and nothing can be achieved without taking one step forward, even if it is a tiny one. It took me years.. Learn from my experiences and become better in no time.

You might also find this useful: Self Knowledge-Values and Virtues

Since time immemorial, our values and virtues have primarily depended on our family values or the thought processes of the people around us. If you want to advance in your life and career, it’s time to break the age old patterns and dive into the world of YOU! Never apologise for being different and understanding the authenticity that separates you from the rest of the world.

Authentic living and depth comes with self-knowledge. It is not just about introspection and understanding yourself but also having clarity about the values that will define your next move in life. Whether it is from the professional perspective or personal, having a set of values can make your feet feel stronger on the earth. You will be confident enough to take on any challenge that is thrown at you. 

Every individual was born different with a unique skill. You can get an advantage in life only if you understand what is different about you. In this article, I have made an attempt to bring you face-to-face with the reason why you need to know yourself. 

Why Self-Knowledge is Critical?

Self Worth: 

It helps with building your confidence to a big extent. Embracing your real self can reduce the impact of criticism on your personality. Also, it can help you decrease the amount of negativity that you spread around you. Self-talk will become positive automatically. 

Confidence in Action: 

When your actions are driven by the values that resonate with you, confidence levels will skyrocket immediately. Your inner compass will tell you what is right and wrong. With a reduced confusion, your actions will be confident. Integrity will be predominant in your lifespan as well. 

Get Clarity and Identify Yourself: 

Having self-knowledge and awareness can help you map out your strengths, weaknesses, emotional status and much more. When you are honest with yourself, you get immense clarity. Coming face-to-face with yourself, being self-critical and understanding your true being can help you get the clarity that will help you break the vicious cycle of failures. 

Resilience: 

There is no human being in the world who does not have to go through a certain number of challenges in life. Life will inevitably give you a taste of one or more failures. But when you have strong inner values, it will not be easy for life’s challenges to shake you. For example, if you are confident about your skills and capabilities, losing a job will never create a panic. 

Compassion:

I have often seen that compassion comes naturally to people who are deeply aware about themselves. When I talk about awareness, I am talking about the weaknesses and failures. When you are kind to yourself and accept failures as a part and parcel of life, you automatically become more compassionate towards other people and the world as a whole. 

Get Freedom from Conditioning:

As kids, we are raised in a certain way. Most of it depends on the parents, grandparents, relatives, friends etc. When you can create a clear demarcation between the expectations of the society/family and your true self, you can break from the conditioning that limits your actions. For example, you will be able to take more risks in life and bet on yourself when you are confident about what you believe in. And the majority of the time, risks are transformed into success. 

Patience and Humility:

A well-aware human being will understand that patience is the key to success. When you are moving in the right direction, fear will be limited. You will be patient because you know the steps that are needed to be taken to achieve your dreams. This also turns out to develop humility. As we see the large canvas that God has painted, we see ourselves as mere brush strokes. With humility comes the confidence that is needed to take on the world and leave a mark for yourself. 

Keep reading and stay tuned for a guide that will help you discover the best ways of knowing yourself more deeply. 

If you liked this article, then you might also like: Types of Karmic Debts

You need to work on building and nurturing a strong and healthy relationship throughout your life. If you can understand and integrate the 8 pillars that form the cornerstone of a relationship, nothing can stop you from having a fulfilled and happy life. Humans are social beings, and bonding with loved ones is essential for their well-being–physical, mental, emotional, and psychological. Here’s a quick look at the most crucial aspects of all relationships, whether family, personal, professional, or romantic.

1. Love

Love is the emotional connection you sense with a family member, romantic partner, or close friend. You may have heard about the adage: Love will set you free. It may sound cheesy, but it’s actually true. Being able to love and be loved by someone allows you to relax and be yourself, without having to maintain a mask. You can present your true self without fear of judgment and rejection. That is the first step toward a happier life.

2. Honour

Honour is the next pillar of a strong relationship since it’s all about respecting your partner or loved one. Respect each other’s individuality, boundaries, opinions, and thought processes. Accept that you may not think alike and share the same interests, but accepting the other person just as they are, without pushing them to agree with you all the time, is crucial. It’s how you build lasting bonds. 

3. Self-Control

Self-control requires effort, and it’s not always easy to do the right thing. Self-control is watching your words, actions, and behaviour to be respectful of your partner, colleagues, or family members. Be kind, and before saying or doing something, think of how that will impact the other person and your relationship with them. Self-control can also be about stopping yourself from being disrespectful, even when your loved one is not present. 

4. Responsibility

Being responsible in your relationship is another of the core pillars. Whatever may be the dynamics of your relationship–work-related, family-related, or as friends, be ready to step up and shoulder your share of the tasks before you. Be committed, and when you take the responsibility for a task, make sure you complete it without making excuses. Being dependable is also taking responsibility. If a loved one asks for help or you offer it, make sure you follow through with real action–no excuses.

5. Truth

Being truthful is a critical cornerstone of your relationship. Always be honest in your dealings with the people close to you. Many people seem to think that a small lie here and there won’t matter. The fact of the matter is–it absolutely does! Mainly because constant lies erode relationships and betray trust. Your loved ones will have a hard time believing anything you say, and it raises questions about your credibility and integrity. Being dependable allows people to believe in you.

6. Faith

Any relationship is built on a strong foundation of trust. You can’t be suspicious of people all the time, but give them space by believing in them. Have faith in their bond with you. Never sink into the pattern of questioning their motives and asking questions about every word and action. That’s how you’ll build a secure foundation for a deeper connection. 

7. Understanding

When you can demonstrate that you understand your loved one’s thoughts and feelings, it makes them feel closer to you. When spending time together, listen. And, by that I mean, genuinely listen, not just with your ears, but with your heart. Try to view situations from the other person’s perspective, offering compassion, sympathy, and unconditional support. 

8. Communication

Conflicts and disagreements are a regular part of every relationship. We’re humans, and a difference of opinion can sometimes tear apart even the strongest of relationships. Don’t let that happen to you. The solution is very simple–communication. A heart-to-heart conversation in a safe environment can resolve even the most complex conflicts. Listen, understand, and offer your perspective. Then, find a middle ground to move forward. That’s how you’ll save the relationship and strengthen it. 

Humans are highly evolved emotional creatures, but that also makes our relationships very complex. But to secure and strengthen a relationship, you need to work on it. It’s how you demonstrate that the other person is valuable to you. Use these 8 pillars to create a new, robust foundation for every relationship in your life, and watch it thrive. 

Also read: Six Pillars of an Effective Life Coaching Process

Many people lose their self esteem or self worth due to certain instances that might have happened in the past. The words someone might have said, the circumstances that we have gone through, and the environment that we live in, tend to cause a direct impact on self worth.

The following exercises have been compiled after careful consideration of the different ways to improve self esteem:

01.Make a list of the negative things that you feel about yourself. Identify them.

For example: I am not a good cook. Remind yourself of the times that someone complimented your cooking. Replace the negative thoughts with the positive ones. When you make a list of the negative things that you think about yourself, cross them and write a positive note in front of it instead.

02.Make a list of the positive things about yourself. Write it down.

For example: My handwriting is awesome. Your list of the positive things about yourself should keep growing. The more positives you can count when compared to the negative ones, the higher impact you can feel on the change in perception of yourself.

03.Start forming relationships that are positive.

Oftentimes, we keep talking and engaging with negative people because we have few people in our lives with whom to communicate. We let those people affect our psychological stability. We run after them despite the fact that they keep bringing us down. Replace those people with positive ones. 

If you don’t have positive relationships in life, then start talking to like-minded people as often as possible. Further, learn to close your mind against negative words and actions from the people around you. Start somewhere and talk positively. Being positive should become a habit. 

04.Take a Break

Never think that you have to be perfect all the time. You cannot be positive all the time. It’s ok to feel bad at times and negative. But, it is in your hands to replace the negative thoughts with the positive ones. It will only come with practice. Start being kind to yourself. Know your limitations and the things that cause frustrations.

Give yourself a treat every time you complete a hard task. Eat a chocolate, a donut.. Anything that you might like. Stop saying negative things about yourself to people. The more you hear negative things about yourself, the more you will start believing them. When you are tired, give yourself a break. Take smaller steps so you don’t be too harsh on yourself.

05.Physical Health Improvement

If you look good, you will definitely feel good. Physical health is often taken for granted. Imagine yourself looking in the mirror, half your current size or weight. You will automatically start feeling good about yourself, and your self-esteem will improve gradually. Make a routine and stick to it. Not for anyone else, but for yourself. Because you want to see a better version of yourself.

Self-esteem improvement does not happen in a day. It happens gradually and over time, by taking small, gradual steps. These first 5 steps should start making a difference in your life. Once you have integrated these 5 steps and you feel a change, we can start with the next 5.

PS: You are already awesome! We just need to make a few changes in the subconscious to make your consciousness feel better about yourself..